inonzi_prowler
05-03-2003, 11:36
Hi everyone, it was really great to know that some people liked my first trip report (Low Experience - Hectic night (MDxx pills)) so I thought next I'd write about a more recent experiment with a drug I won't ever underestimate again - Ketamine.
I'd always thought of K as a very dirty drug, only for junkies and ravers who lost the magic somewhere along the way and were now only interested in getting wasted. This was until I started visiting sites like bluelight and erowid, where I read some fascinating trip reports and learned a bit about this enigmatic substance. My sideline thirst for a K experience became an active search about a month ago, but I was very cautious in my investigations as most people whom I associate with frown upon K use much as I used to.
To cut a long story short, I was pretty high on a pill one night in a club when a VERY shady (and not shady in a quaint way - I mean shady as hell!!) looking guy came up to me and asked if I was interested in pills. Or some K. Although tripping quite hard off the pill that seemed very MDE/MDA-ish I managed to perform some level of negotiation with this individual and purchased a wrap (1gram he assured me). I never usually purchase drugs in this manner, but as the eternal pill saying goes?. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." I then approached a friend of mine who had done K before and he instructed me to do small bumps off my credit card. 'Don't do too much' he warned, 'you'll go into a K-hole, one or two bumps will make you nice and dancey'. Well, what I was after actually was a K-Hole, but I just wanted to test the water first at the club before I went home. I did two medium sized bumps about an hour b4 I left the club, with very little effect, if any. I was beginning to think that I had been scammed.
Once home, I eagerly undid the wrap and was greeted with quite a bit more K than I originally thought I had. The powder itself was very white and shimmered in the harsh light of my deskside lamp. There were quite a few large crystals to be found in the powder, some were caked lumps of powder but distinct crystals were evident. My PC was down at the time and I was in no state to repair it so I could not go online to get a description of what K should look like. Oh well, let me do this the cowboy way and just snort some more and see what happens.
I did two more bumps and felt threshold effects in about 2 mins after insulfating (I felt kinda like a blob of jelly (jello)). I decided to do two more. Then two more again. At the five minute point after the first two, there was definitely something there. My mind felt like it was working in an entirely different way. At this point I had at least 90% of the K left. (The guy did give me quite a bit). I managed to chop up 3 pretty fat and long lines and did two at about the t+15 point. At t+20 I was somewhere else, but it was very much a body high (ugh! The backdrop was awful!). I stumbled to my curtains and drew them and managed to turn off the light. With great difficulty I put a chillout CD onto my stereo (the only son I distinctly remember from the experience was Delerium - silence (Tiesto mix) - one of my favourite songs ever) and put in on 'repeat all'.
At this point all I felt was really fucked up but it was quite pleasant. I thought that lip-balm would be a good idea after the night of raving and started applying some. The applicator felt very sharp against my lips and it felt as though I were shredding them to pieces with the lip balm dispenser. Could I taste blood? I wasn't sure and although I was convinced I was cutting my mouth to pieces, it was more interesting than scary to do this, I felt like I was observing this externally. I felt like a scientist recording an experiment - 'oh that's interesting, I am cutting my mouth to pieces' there was no pain, merely the sensation of the shredding. I lay on my armchair which rests against my cupboard and felt myself coming out of my body from the back of my head and going into the cupboard. Once in the cupboard I got a fright when I thought, 'fuck me! I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be in my body!' I quickly came back into my head, still slightly spooked but more eager to experiment with this state.
I struggled over to my desk again and did the final (largest) line. I think I did a few more bumps too, but I'm pretty I was so uncoordinated I missed a few of them and merely spilt the K (it was now finished). I still just felt hectically fucked up, but now not only had I destroyed my mouth, but I had cut my hands to ribbons on my desktop and armchair arm-rests. I ground my hands more into things just to feel them getting more destroyed. I knew it wasn't happening but was finding the sensation curious and interesting, again feeling like an observer, not an active participant. By this stage I was very disappointed in the K. I wanted to have the proper K-hole effects, like astral projection etc. I reckoned that I needed to IM for this or I had been scammed. I had the urge to sit on my armchair and close my eyes for a bit. That was when it happened.
Sweet Jesus, the things I saw when I closed my eyes I was totally unprepared for. My god it was awesome. A huge geometric landscape lay before me, undulating, with shifting colours, forming the most amazing patterns. I knew this was the great machine of my mind, moving and churning like a vast sea of shapes, with each shape holding on its surface yet another amazing sea of infinite complexity. Wow. It had the whole - 'the universe is merely dirt under god's fingernails' feel to it. A feeling of a huge expansive space in which all things are possible. My thoughts began to wonder if this was real and the question came back - what is real? I don't normally go in for contemplating things like perception as I see them as clichéd things to contemplate, but this was very profound at the time. What if nothing was real? What if my entire existence was a hallucination? What if I was someone else, dreaming? What if I was god, waiting to be reborn? Yes, that was it, I was the omnipotent god of all things, waiting to reveal himself to the world. I suddenly came bursting out of my mortal shell, I was the creator, I was the beginning and the end, the great wind that moves all. I felt the infinite power of the cosmos coursing through me now. I held the beating heart of the universe in my hand, and I knew I had the power to crush it. The heart turned into the earth and I was filled with a desire to destroy it there and then, with my mighty divine power, for I was a vengeful god. Then in an instant I became the observer again and I got spooked, big time. Was I going crazy??? I opened my eyes and it all went away, I just went back to feeling really wasted again.
Wow. That was very interesting. I was still hungry for more so when I felt safe enough, I closed my eyes again and went back into my mind. The landscape re-appeared and I thought again about things like reality, time and space; hoping that something interesting would happen again. The notion came to me that everything I had ever contemplated or imagined had turned into reality inside my own mind simply because I had thought of it so every thought I had ever had was actually a reality somewhere, sometime. These HUGE branching structures appeared, showing the flows of reality I had created. Every single possibility branched off into millions more possibilities as those realities took lives of their own. Then I saw every other sentient being's reality; often they would intertwine with each other and react. It was mind-blowing. Then all the branches condensed and formed a tunnel, which I moved down at quite a slow speed, towards a bright light. I knew at the end of this tunnel lay the keepers of reality and if I continued down this tunnel I was going to meet them. I again became very very afraid and opened my eyes.
Back to feeling fucked up again. Still not satisfied, I shut my eyes again, now expecting some more revelations. I was back in my own mind again. In the dark parts of it. It was extremely erotic this place, the place where all my most hideous thoughts lived, the ones too hideous for my conscious mind to contemplate. I wanted to lie in this blood red sea I saw before me, to revel in it. No, in fact I wanted to fuck it. Not make love, or have sex with, but to fuck this part of myself. In the most foul, evil and dirty way possible. This was the dark place within me and I loved it. I wanted to consummate myself into it. Again, I got really really scared, this time more than most. Was this what I was capable of? Was this my dark side? I could feel it sucking me in, these grey tendrils of smoke enemating from the blood red sea coiled around me and were bringing me in to become one with the evil. Shit, what if I couldn't open my eyes????!!!! I was almost too scared to try but I did and of course, I came back.
I was now coming down and what I felt like doing was a lot more K. I thought that I had come so very close to some kind of ultimate knowledge that would grant me the secrets of the universe. I could very easily see how this could become an addiction, this state I had been in. I began to think again. Reality, I concluded, was merely data fed to the senses. So what if I become a really bad K-head? Who says that the reality you experience under K is any less real than conventional reality? I thought why not just become a drug addict and just fuck everything else. I snapped out of that state and thought, 'jesus this stuff is very dangerous' and reinforced my great respect of this substance.
I drifted off to sleep at this point and woke up about four hours later, with a lot to contemplate. I had touched a very dark part of myself and saw what evil lay within me. But I regarded this as an achievement. I still felt like me, (I am a nice guy, seriously) only more aware of what lay beneath the murky waters. This knowledge of my shadow felt empowering. After I decided I was back to my usual docile self and not wanting to crush all humanity, I do what I always do after a good drug experience - cook a damn fine HUGE meal and watch a movie or two.
Thanks for reading.
--inonzi_prowler--
[Fixed paragraphing -Splatt]
I'd always thought of K as a very dirty drug, only for junkies and ravers who lost the magic somewhere along the way and were now only interested in getting wasted. This was until I started visiting sites like bluelight and erowid, where I read some fascinating trip reports and learned a bit about this enigmatic substance. My sideline thirst for a K experience became an active search about a month ago, but I was very cautious in my investigations as most people whom I associate with frown upon K use much as I used to.
To cut a long story short, I was pretty high on a pill one night in a club when a VERY shady (and not shady in a quaint way - I mean shady as hell!!) looking guy came up to me and asked if I was interested in pills. Or some K. Although tripping quite hard off the pill that seemed very MDE/MDA-ish I managed to perform some level of negotiation with this individual and purchased a wrap (1gram he assured me). I never usually purchase drugs in this manner, but as the eternal pill saying goes?. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." I then approached a friend of mine who had done K before and he instructed me to do small bumps off my credit card. 'Don't do too much' he warned, 'you'll go into a K-hole, one or two bumps will make you nice and dancey'. Well, what I was after actually was a K-Hole, but I just wanted to test the water first at the club before I went home. I did two medium sized bumps about an hour b4 I left the club, with very little effect, if any. I was beginning to think that I had been scammed.
Once home, I eagerly undid the wrap and was greeted with quite a bit more K than I originally thought I had. The powder itself was very white and shimmered in the harsh light of my deskside lamp. There were quite a few large crystals to be found in the powder, some were caked lumps of powder but distinct crystals were evident. My PC was down at the time and I was in no state to repair it so I could not go online to get a description of what K should look like. Oh well, let me do this the cowboy way and just snort some more and see what happens.
I did two more bumps and felt threshold effects in about 2 mins after insulfating (I felt kinda like a blob of jelly (jello)). I decided to do two more. Then two more again. At the five minute point after the first two, there was definitely something there. My mind felt like it was working in an entirely different way. At this point I had at least 90% of the K left. (The guy did give me quite a bit). I managed to chop up 3 pretty fat and long lines and did two at about the t+15 point. At t+20 I was somewhere else, but it was very much a body high (ugh! The backdrop was awful!). I stumbled to my curtains and drew them and managed to turn off the light. With great difficulty I put a chillout CD onto my stereo (the only son I distinctly remember from the experience was Delerium - silence (Tiesto mix) - one of my favourite songs ever) and put in on 'repeat all'.
At this point all I felt was really fucked up but it was quite pleasant. I thought that lip-balm would be a good idea after the night of raving and started applying some. The applicator felt very sharp against my lips and it felt as though I were shredding them to pieces with the lip balm dispenser. Could I taste blood? I wasn't sure and although I was convinced I was cutting my mouth to pieces, it was more interesting than scary to do this, I felt like I was observing this externally. I felt like a scientist recording an experiment - 'oh that's interesting, I am cutting my mouth to pieces' there was no pain, merely the sensation of the shredding. I lay on my armchair which rests against my cupboard and felt myself coming out of my body from the back of my head and going into the cupboard. Once in the cupboard I got a fright when I thought, 'fuck me! I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be in my body!' I quickly came back into my head, still slightly spooked but more eager to experiment with this state.
I struggled over to my desk again and did the final (largest) line. I think I did a few more bumps too, but I'm pretty I was so uncoordinated I missed a few of them and merely spilt the K (it was now finished). I still just felt hectically fucked up, but now not only had I destroyed my mouth, but I had cut my hands to ribbons on my desktop and armchair arm-rests. I ground my hands more into things just to feel them getting more destroyed. I knew it wasn't happening but was finding the sensation curious and interesting, again feeling like an observer, not an active participant. By this stage I was very disappointed in the K. I wanted to have the proper K-hole effects, like astral projection etc. I reckoned that I needed to IM for this or I had been scammed. I had the urge to sit on my armchair and close my eyes for a bit. That was when it happened.
Sweet Jesus, the things I saw when I closed my eyes I was totally unprepared for. My god it was awesome. A huge geometric landscape lay before me, undulating, with shifting colours, forming the most amazing patterns. I knew this was the great machine of my mind, moving and churning like a vast sea of shapes, with each shape holding on its surface yet another amazing sea of infinite complexity. Wow. It had the whole - 'the universe is merely dirt under god's fingernails' feel to it. A feeling of a huge expansive space in which all things are possible. My thoughts began to wonder if this was real and the question came back - what is real? I don't normally go in for contemplating things like perception as I see them as clichéd things to contemplate, but this was very profound at the time. What if nothing was real? What if my entire existence was a hallucination? What if I was someone else, dreaming? What if I was god, waiting to be reborn? Yes, that was it, I was the omnipotent god of all things, waiting to reveal himself to the world. I suddenly came bursting out of my mortal shell, I was the creator, I was the beginning and the end, the great wind that moves all. I felt the infinite power of the cosmos coursing through me now. I held the beating heart of the universe in my hand, and I knew I had the power to crush it. The heart turned into the earth and I was filled with a desire to destroy it there and then, with my mighty divine power, for I was a vengeful god. Then in an instant I became the observer again and I got spooked, big time. Was I going crazy??? I opened my eyes and it all went away, I just went back to feeling really wasted again.
Wow. That was very interesting. I was still hungry for more so when I felt safe enough, I closed my eyes again and went back into my mind. The landscape re-appeared and I thought again about things like reality, time and space; hoping that something interesting would happen again. The notion came to me that everything I had ever contemplated or imagined had turned into reality inside my own mind simply because I had thought of it so every thought I had ever had was actually a reality somewhere, sometime. These HUGE branching structures appeared, showing the flows of reality I had created. Every single possibility branched off into millions more possibilities as those realities took lives of their own. Then I saw every other sentient being's reality; often they would intertwine with each other and react. It was mind-blowing. Then all the branches condensed and formed a tunnel, which I moved down at quite a slow speed, towards a bright light. I knew at the end of this tunnel lay the keepers of reality and if I continued down this tunnel I was going to meet them. I again became very very afraid and opened my eyes.
Back to feeling fucked up again. Still not satisfied, I shut my eyes again, now expecting some more revelations. I was back in my own mind again. In the dark parts of it. It was extremely erotic this place, the place where all my most hideous thoughts lived, the ones too hideous for my conscious mind to contemplate. I wanted to lie in this blood red sea I saw before me, to revel in it. No, in fact I wanted to fuck it. Not make love, or have sex with, but to fuck this part of myself. In the most foul, evil and dirty way possible. This was the dark place within me and I loved it. I wanted to consummate myself into it. Again, I got really really scared, this time more than most. Was this what I was capable of? Was this my dark side? I could feel it sucking me in, these grey tendrils of smoke enemating from the blood red sea coiled around me and were bringing me in to become one with the evil. Shit, what if I couldn't open my eyes????!!!! I was almost too scared to try but I did and of course, I came back.
I was now coming down and what I felt like doing was a lot more K. I thought that I had come so very close to some kind of ultimate knowledge that would grant me the secrets of the universe. I could very easily see how this could become an addiction, this state I had been in. I began to think again. Reality, I concluded, was merely data fed to the senses. So what if I become a really bad K-head? Who says that the reality you experience under K is any less real than conventional reality? I thought why not just become a drug addict and just fuck everything else. I snapped out of that state and thought, 'jesus this stuff is very dangerous' and reinforced my great respect of this substance.
I drifted off to sleep at this point and woke up about four hours later, with a lot to contemplate. I had touched a very dark part of myself and saw what evil lay within me. But I regarded this as an achievement. I still felt like me, (I am a nice guy, seriously) only more aware of what lay beneath the murky waters. This knowledge of my shadow felt empowering. After I decided I was back to my usual docile self and not wanting to crush all humanity, I do what I always do after a good drug experience - cook a damn fine HUGE meal and watch a movie or two.
Thanks for reading.
--inonzi_prowler--
[Fixed paragraphing -Splatt]