Drug-induced Schizophrenia with a Side of Perpetual Delirium
March 22, 2004.
Background: After getting off work, I am was strongly contemplating the ingestion of some hallucinogenic mushrooms. With my previous trip severely lacking in "hallucinogenic thoughts" or mind-opening visuals, I had a very strong desire to re-enter the mysterious world of the magic mushrooms, and to experience the full effects once again. After smoking a blunt, Q suggested that we go see "Dawn of the Dead" at the movies. To me, this sounded like the ideal setting for me to trip. I assumed that I would peak through the entirety of the movie, we would finish the night with a blunt, and I would go home; potentially basking in the wake of an amazing and enlightening experience. I couldn't have been more wrong...
T+ 0:00: It's approximately 9:00pm when we arrive at A's house. I purchase 2 grams of what appear to be very appealing specimens of hallucinogenic mushrooms. In a sense I can tell just by looking at them that this is going to be one mind-blowing experience. I leave A's house while casually chewing the mushrooms, allowing them to dissolve somewhat in my mouth (I had hoped that this will initiate the effects a little quicker. After all, my intention had been to peak through the movie).
T+ 0:40: It's going on ten p.m. and we are making our way to our seats in the theater. At this point I am still undetermined on whether or not this trip will be all I had intended it to be. The introduction sequences have a somewhat awe-inspiring effect on me. Overall however, I can't attribute anything that I am feeling directly to the mushrooms.
T+ 1:40: The movie has been on for about an hour. I am strangely engrossed in the movie, constantly finding myself analyzing the characters and their actions. Having the strange feeling that after watching this movie, I will exit the theater to find myself in a post-apocalyptic town full of cannibalistic zombies. At this point I realize that I am off baseline, but I am still nowhere close to where I should be. Finding myself with very few visuals and almost a complete lack of the infamous mushrooms body high.
T+ 2:20: Upon entering Q's room, I feel strangely out of place. Gazing at myself in the mirror I notice severe pupil dilation. However, from previous mushroom experience they appeared to be shrinking (perhaps I was coming down?). Almost immediately after finishing a blunt, I feel my sense of reality escaping me. Looking around the room, I see incredibly vivid greens and pinks and my vision takes on a underwater feeling. I know this feeling all to well, and I become very uneasy knowing that my trip is just beginning. I continually dismiss it, assuming that this was just one last "rush" as a result of the blunt. I figured this feeling would pass within a short time. I decide to go back to my house to get some sleep.
T+ 3:20: Upon arrival at my house, I know that the peak has hit me fully. I feel extremely uncoordinated, similar to a mild alcohol buzz. Walking is difficult, as is picking up even small objects. I feel as if I am trying to control my body for the first time. Everything seems so alien to me. Suddenly a wave of anxiety crushes my will to live. I am overcome by feelings of uneasiness, knowing that I'll be tripping like for another 2 hours, and not having anything to do.
T+ 3:45: I've firmly decided that the rest of this situation will be experienced from the comfort of my floor. I turn on the TV and grab a pen and a piece of paper (I am feeling surprisingly inspired to write). Immediately upon laying down, I feel myself sinking into the floor. Constant rushes of warmth and trembling envelop my entire body. My mind is flourishing with brilliant and creative ideas, so I decide to write them down. I experience immediate frustration when I realize that I can't write even a 1/10 as fast as I need to, to keep up with my thoughts.
T+ 4:15: Looking back over my page of writing, I am instantly reminded of the intense contradictory thoughts running through my head. The following is one of the first things that I wrote down, it reads: "12am: almost 3 hours after ingestion...writing difficult..thoughts scrambled, difficult to extract one singular idea from a mass of them all flowing together and colliding one after another...bang, bang!!...until they are all dead." It appears that I had even entitled the page: "THE INTENSE RAMBLINGS OF THE SCHIZOPHRENIC MUSHROOMS (?)...CAN'T BE!" I recall the meaning behind the title expressed my extreme distress at feeling utterly insane and schizophrenic. I continually questioned whether I was induced by mushrooms or some sort of other strange drug.
T+ 4:40: This is where it gets completely and drastically unreal. Closing my eyes, I begin to feel a darkness wash over me. I have been here before and I know I'm going to a dark, evil place...the inner sanctums of my own mind. I let the all of the light escape, allowing the darkness to completely take me over. And then I fell...and fell....and fell...deeper into the abyss. Suddenly, I hear "the voice" and it asks, "Why do you feel that you are privileged enough to travel this metaphysical highway?". I told the voice that I had paid the toll by ingesting the sacrament. The voice did not hesitate for a second, allowing me to continue my journey. When I reached the end of this virtual highway in my mind, I experienced an undescribable moment of clarity, when the voice broke in again. This time it pondered, "What do you want to know?" I knew, without a doubt, that I would be able to ask any question and I would receive a truly enlightened answer. However, I found myself gripped with incomparable fear, as I realized I had no question. The voice immediately cast me out of this place of crystal clarity. "I feel trapped...this isn't me. But, I can't find the answer without having first possessed the question," is scrawled onto the center of my page of ramblings. It brings back to me the crippling sense of non-existence and the unsettling feeling that I was not me, or possibly that I was nothing...
T+ 5:20: The following describes the persistent contradictory thoughts running through my head at this time, "I feel like I have the intellect of a child?....but, how would I know the word intellect?" I'm also experiencing extreme frustration at the inability to constantly to see beauty in everything, all the time. For, occasionally, when I would look at something, it would strike me as beautiful. But, it was in a way that is far beyond the reach of our descriptive language. When I would look back on the particular object to behold it's immense grip on me, the feeling of beauty would be gone..."I find a glimpse of beauty and then it is gone....how do i sustain it?"
T+ 6:00: I decide that it's time to attempt to quell these malicious thoughts that continue to assault me. I decide to go to sleep. I must have been delirious. There was no way in hell I was going to sleep. Closing my eyes I can see any color I want. I rapidly shift through all of the ones I can think of...red, blue...green, yellow, white. In a way I can actually "feel" each of the colors. The warmth of red, the sadness in blue and the uneasiness of green. I would eventually pass out, but not without dismissing the notion that there should have been a greater purpose in all of this...
I've decided to end with a few more quotes from my page of nonsense:
"No...it didn't make sense in hindsight. Hell, none of it does. It's all just the ramblings of a lunatic."
"There is more to be said about me within the confines of this page than I, or anyone else will ever now..."
"I will never understand any of this. Why is it all significant, what does it all mean? Does it mean anything? Was I just writing for the sake of writing the whole time? How did it start? When will it end? What does it all entail?...."
"Fucking hands and their damn incapacity to write at a reasonable speed." (This particular phrase degraded into mere scribbles and wiggly lines by the end...i remember the frantic speed at which I wrote).
"I wish there was some way to capture or record my many illustrious thoughts...brain pictures."
"but at the same time I can understand with perfect clarity where this temporary insanity stems from...or can I?"
"what dark, hellish mindstate have i embedded...thoughts...death and destruction everywhere."
"If you could fit the world into the palm of your hand..."
"There is a reason you shouldn't trip alone....if my current mental state could be summed up in a few words then it would be that reason."
"it seems that it all holds some sort of paradox and genius."
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- Join Date
- Jun 2004
- Join Date
- Jun 2004
I would like to note that this was the last time that I tripped hard on mushrooms and presumably will remain the last. Though I believe mushrooms are something many people should try (as they open the door of perception for many people), adverse effects can surface with as little as 20-30 trips (based on input from a FOAFs). And I know that after my experience with 6g (ego death), every subsequent trip messed with my head more and more.
And regards to those that actually take the time to read the entire report, I know it's rather long, but this is as short as I could make it and still get the point across.
- Join Date
- Mar 2004
Interesting read. Some of you're quotes were quite interesting. Yes, mushrooms are a very, very potent drug and are to never be taking lightly. I've experienced it as well as others. You never know what you're goign to get with them. They are still my drug of choice.
Daaaaammmmn dude....ok, you are obvoiusly an intelligent person who is good at analyzing things, hence your trip and the description thereof....I can honestly say that I've tripped on psilocybin (sp??) mushrooms well over 100 times (used to grow 'em) , and while I have bugged out a few times (usually if I eat over an eighth (3.5g)), I have never had the scary occurances you speak of (i've come close tho, trust me..), and I'll tell ya why.......It's ALL ABOUT your surroundings....it's ALL about the information that's entering your brain during your trip....If your trip starts to become a little intense (which we alll know can easily happen), instead of dwelling on that, and what you are feeling emotionally...(which can, as you know, practically drive you nuts!!), change what you are doing....putting on a funny movie is like my FAVORITE way of working myself out of a bad trip....trust me...if you're feeling like you're losing your mind, doing this will have you crying laughing in no time.....OR, I remember one time I ate like a quarter of these sick Hawaiians....bad idea....but I made the best out the situation by pulling out this Salvador Dali art book I own (if you're a fan of psychedelics, owning a Dali book is a MUST!!!!)......the next 3 hours were AMAZING.....analyzing all that warped artwork was mind-blowing.....so you see what I'm sayin?? keeping your mind off of your mind is sometimes all you have to do to have fun with psychedelics, ya know??
Hope I helped ya out somewhat!!! Good Luck!!!
^^^^^^^^The other side of that though is; I do realize alot of what I said is easier said than done when you're actually peaking and contemplating permanant insanity, so still be careful and good luck....
- Join Date
- Mar 2004
^^ Very true. I made the mistake of over dosing the other weekend because the trip started off slower then normal. So I made the most common mistake of psychedelic users and thats to eat more mushrooms. Big mistake at first. The trip hit so hard and so fast it completely took me by surprise and at first it was to much to take. I felt as thought I was going to go nuts. I think my exact thoughts at the time were "Ohh shit, I just fucked myself, why did I eat so much, fuck, fuck, fuck. I hate this room, why am I in this room!" Number one, I ate to much. Secondly, I was in a room that I felt very werid in for some reason. The mushrooms and my mentality at the time did not like that room one bit. So, I stepped outside on my friends roof over looking the town at night enjoying the stars and the towns lights. completely changed my whole trip around. I put a movie on afterwards called the underground comedy movie. Honestly, it was the greatest thing I had ever seen in my life. I cried a few times due to my laughter. If you're going to trip and want a laugh of just a change in trip get this movie.
My trip went from neg to positive all due to changing my particular elements in the trip. You've gotta learn to negotiate with your brain and the feelings. Whatever you feel on a trip can certianly be changed unless you really over did the dosage. Try to work with it. Better luck next time, if there is one.
- Join Date
- Aug 2003
Wow that was amazing.
I don't think I've tripped that hard before off of only 2 grams - maybe an 1/8th.
Sometimes I ask myself if I will find any answers by eating mushrooms - and then I realize that all these questions are pointless. What is the meaning of life, etc. etc. I think I realized that thanks to psychedelics, that if we are always searching for an answer, we never take time to just sit back and enjoy our life. I know I wasted about 1/2 of an acid trip trying to figure out the meaning of life and I ended up with "It is and it isn't."
Anyways, I see a lot of people like yourself, that feel like they have to quit tripping after certain experiences. I'm not sure when I'll reach that, but until I do I'll continue to take vacations into that fascinating world.
- Join Date
- Jun 2004
Thanks for the replies. Personally, I had never tripped this hard off anything less than 4 grams. These were some extremely potent mushrooms and it was my first trip since i had eaten around 6 grams (and experienced ego dissolution/death) and it became very clear that the 6 gram trip had changed me and that tripping off mushrooms would never be the same again. Also would like to note that it was the being alone that sent this trip to the abyssmal side....my advice to most would be to never trip alone...and not just b/c it's potentially dangerous...it's just not fun.
Edit: Remembering back, the severe time delay for the 'shrooms to kick in (almost two and a half hours) contributed largely to the negative aspects of the trip.
Last edited by nmplbi02; 04-06-2004 at 20:41.
Woah, your comments on "you cannot know the answer without the question" bits rammed home, I covered that in my last mushroom trip too, creepy!
Mighty fine report here dude
- Join Date
- Mar 2003
- IL Represent....
"After smoking a blunt, Q suggested that we go see "Dawn of the Dead" at the movies. To me, this sounded like the ideal setting for me to trip."
Wow when I read this I about fell out of my chair laughing. Not to be a dick, but seriously, a fucking zombie movie on mushrooms? Set and setting maby?
^^Sounds like acceptable set and setting to me, subjective as it is. Laughing your ass off at a zombie movie whilst shrooming? Nobody can ever predict a trip, but if you have a positive mindframe about your actions at the time, it's all good. Besides, being stoned makes you come up with strange ideas