Dating a transman

**cheah** · 23-01-2009 22:48

first off, yeah i did do a search on this and found a couple related threads. most of them were geared towards dating a transwoman tho, which i think is different from my situation as a woman can get all the necessary parts and be the exact same as a biological woman. whereas many transguys don't get bottom surgery, and even the ones that do, it's not the same as a bio guy's

anyway, i just wanted a female (preferably straight) perspective on dating a transguy. also i'd like to know if you're someone who wouldn't date a transguy, is it simply the lack of a penis that you can't deal with? or is it because you'd start questioning your sexuality? oh gay and bi guys feel free to answer too

**Mariposa** · 23-01-2009 23:54

Interesting question, and one I don't think is addressed yet.

Most of the transmen I've encountered are "straight" - as in they consider themselves male and want sex/relationships with females. Of course some are gay and some are bi.

It's my understanding that the reason many transmen do not have the "bottom" surgery is that they don't want to lose sensation and that through testosterone/hormone therapy the clitoris grows large enough to penetrate a partner.

I don't think I would *not* date someone just because they were a transguy. I really don't know.

Interesting thread.

**fizzle** · 24-01-2009 00:51

I'm a straight female. I couldnt really say if I would date a transguy or not, I've never thought about it. It certainly wouldnt make me question my sexuality. If he looks/acts/considers himself a guy, then I will consider him a guy as well.

I do think it might make me uncomfortable to date a transgender. Nothing personal against them, I would have no problem being friends, but I think it would really throw me off to have a partner who was male in every way except their sexual organs, unless of course I couldnt tell that they were ever female. In that case, how would I know unless they told me? (Which I would expect them to do, but if we had a good solid relationship going, I dont think I'd break it off just because I found out they were transgender)

**Rogue Robot** · 24-01-2009 02:00

I have to agree with Mariposa. While right now in my head, I wouldn't see a problem with it, I don't know that I could make an absolute yes or no decision without being in that situation. But, since I haven't and probably never will, I'd say that no, I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as they pick their socks up off of the floor.

**DrunkardsDream** · 25-01-2009 10:56

I'd date a transguy as long as he wasn't the horrible stereotype of a flaming homosexual that some transmen become.

I've seen transmen that put the most nelly queens to shame since after they become a guy they wind up doing corny stuff like being obsessed with Broadway musicals/Madonna, slutting around and cheating on their partners while they bareback and PNP/use meth, they claim that they're masculine but they're really feminine, and they take all of the bad stereotypes of gay men and act 1,000X worse!

Think of it like a guy being like Jack from Will and Grace but on meth and 100,000X more flaming!

As far as sex goes I'd be OK with that I just wouldn't want to give head to a dildo though like I've seen some men do in Transman porn.

**PriestTheyCalledHim** · 26-01-2009 02:01

I'm a queer bio male and I'd absolutely date/have a relationship with a transman.

**Sleater3** · 26-01-2009 06:59

I'm a lesbian and would date a female to male .... forget labels, I DEFINITELY prefer women, but at the same time... it's about the soul and heart for me.

**kytnism** · 27-01-2009 00:58

if i were to date women, id happily share a relationship with an androgynous transman; although am not as confident about having a post-op trans relationship.

...kytnism...

**smartypants** · 09-03-2009 05:03

Hi, bisexual female... I have dated transguys in the past, and am currently dating a transguy. I've been in more relationships with bio males than with females, and to me being trans is not an issue at all.

If anyone has any questions they can email me privately.

**Mariposa** · 09-03-2009 05:29

Originally Posted by smartypants

Hi, bisexual female... I have dated transguys in the past, and am currently dating a transguy. I've been in more relationships with bio males than with females, and to me being trans is not an issue at all.

If anyone has any questions they can email me privately.

Hi and welcome to Bluelight, smartypants. Since you only have one post so far, why not introduce yourself in the New Member Introductions forum? You will be able to communicate with other Bluelighters through private message once you have made 50 posts. I think your experience here will be a lot better if you give us an opportunity to get to know you through your posts before asking for personal contact.

Cheah: how is your dating life going? Any updates?

**CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT** · 09-03-2009 05:43

I don't know how many people listen to Dan Savage's podcast but he covered this in the most recent episode. He gave advice to a trans' female to male who is not 100% comfortable with his 'left over' female genitals. You can read Dan's blog here - it's updated daily.
Dan enlisted the help of Buck Angel - a female to male transexual porn star to give some personal advice on the topics discussed.

I personally don't think I would be interested in dating a transsexual female-to-male. I understand they could use a strap-on to overcome the lack of penis, but I enjoy giving fellatio too much to go without one attached to my partner's body.

Also there's the fact that I've already found my soul-mate, but this is purely hypothetical.

**djfriendly** · 09-03-2009 07:49

Originally Posted by CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT

I don't know how many people listen to Dan Savage's podcast but he covered this in the most recent episode.

I would do it. I sure as hell would date that guy who called in with the problem, he sounds like just my type. Complication with gender is not an issue for me.

But I couldn't stay with someone who was neurotic about their anatomy and wasn't taking steps to improve that situation. Great stuff from Buck, so cool to hear him talk about himself.

**asiancake** · 20-02-2010 10:19

im a gay asian guy, i would love to date a transguy and go further and see what happens,

**Sweet P** · 20-02-2010 10:32

I'd date a trans-man.

Me (being a trans-girl) and a trans-man would probably be very compatible.

**@lterEgo** · 20-02-2010 22:12

i have trans friends, but i don't think i could actually date someone who was so conflicted about their body.

**Sweet P** · 20-02-2010 22:53

^ That's sad. Everyone has conflicts of some kind or another.

**@lterEgo** · 20-02-2010 23:12

of course. this is just a compatibility issue for me. my statement wasn't meant to devalue trans people in any way. some conflicts i can work with and some are more likely to lead me to a dead end. i have too many of my own hangups to partner with someone who is dealing with so much sexual ambiguity. in my experience, when i get serious about someone who lacks confidence in bed and/or isn't comfortable in their own skin we just end up not having sex at all. i have my strengths and weaknesses just like anyone else, and personally i need someone more forward and sure of themselves (naked) for success in the bedroom. i couldn't possibly stack a lover's gender dysphoria issues on top of my own bullshit and expect to have a healthy sex life.

**Sweet P** · 20-02-2010 23:18

^ Thing is, not all trans-people lack confidence. A lot are very open and proud. Now that I'm on hormone replacement therapy, I'm actually pretty happy with my body (someone recently told me that I could be a model!). I'm not ashamed of being transgendered - why should I be? I respect your opinion and I'm not trying to argue. Just sayin'.

**augustaB** · 21-02-2010 02:33

Originally Posted by Sweet P

I'd date a trans-man.

Me (being a trans-girl) and a trans-man would probably be very compatible.

Me too. In fact I had a lovely time at a party a couple of years ago being courted by a transman. He even kissed me!

**pofacedhoe** · 21-02-2010 18:08

Originally Posted by Mariposa

It's my understanding that the reason many transmen do not have the "bottom" surgery is that they don't want to lose sensation and that through testosterone/hormone therapy the clitoris grows large enough to penetrate a partner.

i'm gay but for some reason the though of a clit growing huge is giving me a pseudo-semi

whats going on folks?

**Primal365** · 21-02-2010 19:31

I am male first off. I don't think it would be gay for a guy and a transguy to date. I judge gender by the sex organs. I am also very very straight but a little on the off topic side I think sleeping with a trasfemale would be wicked hot. Having a woman with a dick fuck you and get to fuck him/her. I don't mean any of that in a gay way. I just think adding something like that into a relationship would add some extra excitement to it. And I am not quite sure if that's gay, now the taking her dick up you ass thing might be little gay but for my gf's bday I let her do the whole dominatrix thing on me cuz she had been begging me to let her have her way with me with whips and all that crazy stuff. The little added pain was amazing but then she decided to tie me up an surprised me with a huge black dick strapon that was bigger then my arm. It hurt like he'll but the prostate orgasm was out of this world. So I don't know about the who transfemale thing.

But with the transmale I am not so sure. I mean with lots of hormones and meds they can make the clut change to resemble a small penis. But it is not functional. But I think it would be an interesting relationship.

**augustaB** · 23-02-2010 02:51

Although fewer transmen elect for surgery than transwomen do, there is an operation that will give a transman a penis. This is called phalloplasty. It's quite a complicated operation and the new penis often takes a long time to heal.
Don't get your hopes when you date a transman, though, sexual preference varies.

**MrIbis** · 23-02-2010 10:33

Originally Posted by Primal365

I am male first off. I don't think it would be gay for a guy and a transguy to date. I judge gender by the sex organs. I am also very very straight but a little on the off topic side I think sleeping with a trasfemale would be wicked hot. Having a woman with a dick fuck you and get to fuck him/her. I don't mean any of that in a gay way. I just think adding something like that into a relationship would add some extra excitement to it. And I am not quite sure if that's gay, now the taking her dick up you ass thing might be little gay but for my gf's bday I let her do the whole dominatrix thing on me cuz she had been begging me to let her have her way with me with whips and all that crazy stuff. The little added pain was amazing but then she decided to tie me up an surprised me with a huge black dick strapon that was bigger then my arm. It hurt like he'll but the prostate orgasm was out of this world. So I don't know about the who transfemale thing.

But with the transmale I am not so sure. I mean with lots of hormones and meds they can make the clut change to resemble a small penis. But it is not functional. But I think it would be an interesting relationship.

umm dude, thats an EXTREMELY GAY fantasy... You're literally envisioning a dick up your arse... if a dick in your arse isn't gay, i don't know what is...

**bit_pattern** · 23-02-2010 11:20

Originally Posted by Sweet P

I'd date a trans-man.

Me (being a trans-girl) and a trans-man would probably be very compatible.

OK, wait a minute. Were you born a girl and are now a man, or were you born a guy and now a girl? I've always been under the impression you were a guy gone girl, not the other way around. Wow, call me sheltered, but this stuff gets way confusing

**Z Y G G Y** · 23-02-2010 12:18

I'd do it if they were totally masculine with a good size penis. I'm a totally straight female and pretty much only really masculine guys turn me on. Also the dick has to be nice size as I think about giving head all day and could do it all day long.

Might sound vein but that's just what gets me going. Vagina grosses me out big time.

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